What The Cullens Don't Want You To Know
by wishing for a myracle
Summary: a collection of one-shots written my me and a friend. rated t for language. click to find out what happens when Emmett gets a net gun, and to discover what happens when Jasper tries singing r&r Please
1. Emmett Gets A NetGun

**Hey guys! Wishing For A Myracle here. My friend, A Lovely Dream, and I have decided that we are going to work on a story or two together using my account. This is our first. Hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: okay, I am only going to do this once for this story. We do not own any of the characters in this story. We do however own the plot, so back off**

Emmett Gets a Net-Gun

By: Wishing For A Myracle (Kathryn)

Emmett walked to the counter of his favorite prank store.

"Yo Joe, got anything new?" he asked.

"My name is Frank," the man at the counter replied.

"Whatever."

Frank sighed. "Well, we just got a new truckload of stuff. Our best by far is the net-gun."

"Net-gun?" Emmett asked, interested.

"Yup. Pull the trigger-thingy and you shoot nets at people. I don't know what you'll do with it, but you're creative, I'm sure you can come up with something…"

"I'LL TAKE ONE!!!!"

THE NEXT DAY

Bella was sitting on the kitchen counter eating some sort of sugary cereal; Edward was saying something about college options for Bella. Emmett ran into the room.

"YOU STOLE THE COOKIE FROM THE COOKIE JAR!" he shouted, and shot his net-gun, capturing Edward and causing Bella to drop her bowl of cereal.

"EMMETT! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!" Edward shouted as Emmett ran into his room to plot his next move. He was quickly distracted by something shiny. Not five minutes later, Carlisle came into Emmett's room, no doubt to yell at him for net-gunning his brother.

The Moment Carlisle stepped through the door, Emmett screamed and fired his net-gun, then he jumped out the window.

"EMMETT!" Carlisle shouted, still struggling with the net.

Emmett ran as fast as he could away from the house. He didn't get very far though, he ran straight into a tree…then he net-gunned it.

Esme leaned out the door. "Emmett, come back here," she called

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" he screamed, firing his net-gun once again, but it was out of nets, "shit…"

After Carlisle dragged Emmett back into the house; Carlisle called a family meeting. "Emmett," he said, "You have a problem."

"I DO NOT HAVE A PROBLEM!" he shouted.

Carlisle sighed. "Your grounded."

"Yeah," Rosalie agreed, "No sex for a month."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"Emmett's scream lasted for a whole five minutes.

"Damn," said Bella, "It's a good thing you don't have to breathe…


	2. Jasper The Next Kelly Clarkson?

Jasper, The Next Kelly Clarkson?

Written by, Mary Jane (you all know me as A Lovely Dream)

**Disclaimer; **as much as it pains me I do not own any of the twilight characters, however the below story, is mine.

Bella walked into the Cullen's house and heard what sounded like a dying cat in a garbage disposal. Edward glanced her way "Bella darling, didn't Alice give you earplugs?" he shouted.

"WHAT" Bella asked

"DIDN'T ALICE GIVE YOU EARPLUGS?"

"I CANT HEAR YOU"

"DIDN'T ALICE GIVE YOU EARPLUGS?" eEdward asked her as the noise died down.

"Nope, guess I didn't get the memo" Bella responded as Jasper came down the stairs.

"What's all the ruckus?" he asked.

"Jasper, didn't you hear th-"

At that moment Emmett tossed Bella a box of earplugs "Think fast" he said, as they fell to the floor.

"OOOOOWWW!" Bella screamed

" I didn't hit you"

"BUT IF YOU DID"

"Wow, what ever happened to thank you Emmett, your welcome Bella?" Emmett asked as Edward brought Bella upstairs.

"WHAT was all of THAT about?" Bella screeched.

"Jasper." Edward replied.

"What?" Bella asked

"That was Jasper...singing." Edward explained

Bella fell on the floor laughing so hard that it brought tears to her eyes. After she caught her breath she looked at Edward, who wasn't the slightest amused

"What?" she asked.

"We all thought it was funny at first, to." he said "but, then he told us..."

Bella inhaled deeply "JASPER ADMITTED HE'S GAY?"

"No worse..."

_ What's worse then jasper being gay bella wondered?_

"He's making a solo album" Edward continued.

"No... NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!" Bella cried. " He can't, he'll embarrass us all"

"I know," Edward sighed.

Later that night at Bella's house she was pacing back and forth in her room. Before Edward even got a chance to ask her what she was doing she asked "would rather live on Jupiter, or Pluto? I'm thinking Pluto may be far enough, but im not so sure." Before Edward could tell her she was being ridiculous, Jasper appeared at her bedroom window.

"Did somebody say Jupiter?" he asked before singing _Drops of Jupiter by Train._ A very ten painful minutes later he left.

"Edward get me and Advil." She said.

As Edward gracefully left the room to get and Advil, and at that moment Jasper reappeared at the window. "Did I hear encore?" he asked.

"NO!" Bella cried and ran to shut the window, but she tripped and fell out the window and into the rose bushes.

"Hmm," Jasper said. "I could get used to this, fame, money, the ladies flinging themselves at me."

A few hours later Bella woke up in a hospital bed, Carlisle was at her side. "Oh Bella, your up." as if on cue a very distressed Edward Cullen walked into the room.

"I leave you alone for two seconds to get you a friggin Advil. TWO FRIGGEN SECONDS!" Edward moaned. "Bella what am I going to do with you?"

She smiled, "Well...you could always ch-"

"NOT WHAT I MEAN!" he shouted, "What happened to you anyway?"

Bella looked at him confused, thinking over what happened. Suddenly it all came back to her, he blood pressure rose.

"Oh dear," Carlisle said "Jasper's singing?"

Bella let out a groan.

"Very well, Edward go get your brother its time we tell him he's not the next Kelly Clarkson."

At that moment Jasper walked in the room hearing Carlisle's words, "you mean, I'm not?" he began to sob and fled the room.

"Oops..."


	3. Jasper's Gay!

**Jasper's Gay!?!**

Jasper called a family meeting. He sat down to wait for the family to come downstairs.

Alice was the first one down, and sat down next to him, a smile on her face. She seemed unable to stop laughing.

"Choose your words carefully," she warned having seen what was about to happen.

"Alice," he began but was cut off by Edward, Emmett, and Rosalie summing down the stairs, soon followed by Carlisle and esme.

"Alright everyone, I have something that I need to tell you I'm-"

"YOU'RE GAY!?!" Emmett interrupted, "I mean, I always knew, but I never thought that you would come out! I am so proud of you right now! And don't worry, you wont have to tell any of the kids at school, I'LL DO IT FOR YOU!" Emmett ran out the door.

Jasper checked his watch; there was still a half hour until school started.

"Well," Jasper said over the laughter, "I was going to tell you that I needed to go hunting…"

Carlisle walked up to Jasper, a serious look on his face. "Son, I'm glad that you were able to come out to us," he said with a straight face and then left the room. That started a whole new wave of laughter. If Edward could cry he would be, he was laughing so hard. Jasper stormed out of the room.

Ten minutes later Edward walked into Jasper's room.

"I'll go hunting with you, Jasper," he said.

"Thank you," I replied.

"Just try not to hit on me, I'm engaged," he said as he walked out.

"EDWARD!!!!!" I shouted after him.

Lunch that day wasn't any better than the events that had passed during the morning. Jasper was more miserable than usual. He really needed to go hunting, and Emmett's little announcement during homeroom wasn't helping his mood.

"ATTETION EVERYONE!" Emmett's had boomed over the intercom, "JASPER HAS SOMETHING HE WANTED EVERYONE TO KNOW, BUT HE WAS TOO SHY TO TELL YOU HIMSELF. JASPER HALE IS GAY!"

Jasper shuddered. People have been giving him odd looks all day, and no one would stand near him in the locker room. One kid even went so far as to ask him out…

"I AM GOING TO KILL EMMETT!" Jasper shouted. "I wasn't supposed to say that out loud…" Everyone in the lunchroom stopped and stared. "oops…"


	4. Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween!

Written especially for What the Cullen's Don't Want You to Know

By; A Lovely Dream.

"Hey girl hey," Emmett said to me before giving me a wink.

"Hi Emmett, your unusually..." I paused to find the word, "Perky today."

"Perky-Shmerky," Emmett said. "TOMORROW IS HALLOWEEN AND YOU DON'T EXPECT ME TO BE PERKY?"

"Emmett, you can't even go out tomorrow it's going to be sunny."

"So? Bella stop being so... BLONDE,"

"Hey!" Rosalie screamed and pointed frantically at her head. Emmett just rolled his eyes, the Rosalie smacked him.

"Bella, I think what Emmett meant to say is that tomorrow is Halloween, people will think it's just a costume."

"Wait, so do you still dress up?"

"DUH!" Emmett shouted.

"What are you dressing up as?"

"I'm going to wear a red Prada suit, blinking devil horns, and im gonna have a tail!" Alice told me excitedly.

"Because the Devil wears Prada?" I asked her.

"Duh," she told me. "And the others don't know what they're dressing up as yet, I know, so do Esme and Carlisle." She smiled wickedly, "They made a bet."

"Did they loose the bet?" I asked Alice.

"Yeah," she told me.

"What exactly was the bet?" I asked her.

Her face got serious, "Edward made me promise not to tell you, so don't tel him I did okay?" I promised her I wouldn't then she continued, "Remember last week when Edward told you that he didn't have time to go hunting? And how his eyes were really read and he was so moody it was almost like he was PMS'ing?" I nodded, "Well, we bet that Edward could go two weeks without hunting and still control himself around you. And we thought he was doing fine." I narrowed my eyes, "But then at school I was talking to you and you told me that I had to get him to go hunting, I told Esme, and that was that. They won!"

I broke into laughter, "So what are they dressing up as?"

"I can't tell you!" she exclaimed, "It will ruin the fun."

I sighed, "Well can you tell me what I'm dressing up as?"

Her eyes widened, "You haven't decided yet?"

"Well, I have some ideas."

"Like...?"

"Um, a vampire?"

She raised her eyebrows, "Bella your going to have to be more creative than that." I sighed she looked at me, "Bella you're pathetic, if you want to be a vampire we, meaning I, could make it creative," she smiled.

I glared at her, "Fine, you can make my costume."

She smiled excitedly, "Come here tonight, and spend the night I'll get you and the others ready before school."

«3 «3 «3

I woke up then next morning in Edward's room, but he wasn't there. Then I heard a

crash, and Edward shouting, "I REFUSE TO GO TO SCHOOL IN THIS!" and Alice screaming, "BUT YOU HAVE TO YOU LOST THE BET!"

"Fine," I heard him growl.

I crawled out of the bed, that he bought for me. And walked down the hall to the bathroom. "BELLA! Thank goodness your awake," Alice greeted me.

She was already in costume, and she looked amazing. She wore fake eyelashes, which made her long ones look even longer. Not only that but the fake ones had red sequins on them. Red eyeliner, and a deep red lipstick. It looked amazing against her pale skin. Then she died the tips of her hair a red. Her suit was amazing, She was wearing red from head to toe, her devil horns were blinking oh her head, and her tale was blinking on her butt.

"Alice, what _time_ is it?" I asked

She glanced at the clock on the bathroom wall, "5:30," she told me.

"IN THE MORNING?" I exclaimed. Alice just nodded, "Did you sleep well?"

I glared at her, "Great!" she said and sat me down.

"Can I see everyone else first?" Alice just nodded in response "ROSE, EDWARD, EMMETT, JASPER GET IN HERE," she called. I heard a series of groans, but they slowly, at least slowly for them, made there way to the bathroom. Rose came in looking like a hooker. Wearing fishnet stockings with rips in them. She wore a T-shirt, with stains on it, and make up smeared across her face. Her hair was knotted up, and had a condom stuck in it.

Next jasper came in. He was wearing a very girly costume, and a wig. It was long and brown, he had it pulled into a pony tale to the side of his head. Sparkly face make up that brought out his topaz eyes. His costume was a pink dress, and he wore wings. Once he stepped out into the sun he would look like a real fairy, except for the hairy arms and legs that is. But I tried not to think about that.

Next Emmett, I knew he was a drama queen, but I never would have imagined him as a drag queen. Okay, so I normally wouldn't imagine that but there was that one time. BUT IT WAS ALL EDWARDS FAULT. Emmett's face was covered in bright colors, and he was wearing a bra stuffed with toilet paper. A skin tight red dress that would shine almost as brightly as he does. He was wearing snake skin boots, and when he walked in he looked at me and said, "Darling we have to do something about your split ends, and oh my gosh is that a zit?" Alice smacked him. And I had to suppress a laugh. When he walked out I turned to Alice, "Is he or Rose the hooked?" she just smiled at me. "With Emmett, it doesn't matter, I could have given him a loin cloth and told him he was being Tarzan and he would have been content." I shuddered at the thought.

She gave me an out fit to change into, I did and then she set to work. She made me look pale, then cover my skin in glitter. She straightened my hair, despite my split ends, it looked good. Even drag queen Emmett would have been proud. Alice applied tons of make-up to my face. I looked amazing. Then, just for the affect she gave me plastic fangs. Then I realized that I never saw Edwards costume. "Alice, where's Edward?" she looked at me, "He's just being stubborn."

We got went out to the garage, and a walked towards Edward's Volvo, when I felt a hand, or a paw on my shoulder. I looked around and saw a were wolf. "Boo!" He said. My eyes widened with fear. Then Emmett, Rose, Jasper, the werewolf and Alice erupted in laughter. The werewolf took off his head, which turned out to just be a mask. There was Edward, covered from head to toe in fur. I hit him, "Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, don't you ever do that to me again!" I shrieked. He just kissed me, and I suddenly forgot why I was so upset.

"You look amazing," he told me. I felt my skin flush. "Alice is this what she will look like when she's changed?" I raised my eyebrows, I never even considered that.

She shook her head, "You think she'd look like that? Definitely not, she'll look ten times better."

Edward grinned, "I didn't know that was possible."

«3 «3 «3

At the end of the school day we all got at least 40 comments on how great our costumes looked. Emmett told us that Mike Newton asked him if he could touch his boobs. We laughed and told each other all of our stories. Then Emmett goes, okay let's go trick-or-treating! I was confused.

Until about ten 'o clock, we were out trick-or-treating. When we got back to the Cullen's house, we had almost five pounds of candy. "Wow, why did you get so much if you don't even eat it?" I asked them

Emmett gave me a wicked grin, "Oh, were not eating it, but you are."

My face went blank, "What? I can't eat all of that."

"Yes, you can" Emmett said. Then they all began to laugh.

"Thank god," I said, "I thought he was being serious."

Then all of them but Edward closed in on me, "He was," Alice said.

I screamed, "EDWARDDDD!"

"Happy Halloween Bella," I heard them call from behind me, as I was in Edward's arms.

I laughed, "Their nuts," I told him.

He smiled my favorite smile, "I was wondering when you'd realize that," he joked.

«3 «3 «3

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